A How a Why and a Sigh.

Currently we are living with an enquiring mind.  If anyone has a child who endeavours to know the ins and outs of everything, you know where I am coming from.

How funny it can be.  How endearing.  How educating.  How exhausting! 

Some of the questions I have been fielding and avoiding of late consist of the following:

How is grass made?  Is it a seed?  Why is it green?

How are people made?  Do people make people?  Who made you?

Who makes cars?  Why did John go to mechanic school?  Did you go to mechanic school?  

Why not?

Who makes the cold?  Why did they? Because I don’t like it!

Why do I have to eat berries?

Why is poo brown?  Why does it come out?  What would happen if it didn’t come out?

Why is the ground hard?  Why are balls bouncy?

Where is money made? 

Why do you still have boobies? 

Aren’t apples “healfy” foods?  And isn’t sugar not a “helfy” food?

On and on.  Sometimes I answer in the best way I can.  Sometimes I ask what he thinks the answer is and on these occasions he gets mad and says “fine! Don’t tell me then!”  Sometimes I lie and make up an answer which only adds to more why’s and what’s.  Sometimes I tell him to ask his daddy.  Sometimes I tell the truth and say I don’t know.

Today he asked me why is there bad luck?

We were walking across the road.  He’s not fussy about where we are when he asks me one of his endless questions.  When he wants to know something he needs to know there and then.

I was rushing as usual.  Well, it was bucketing down and we were on our way back to the car.  

Already drenched. 

“Why is there bad luck?”

I didn’t break my stride but the question stopped me.

Why indeed?

I told him people have bad luck because they can’t be lucky all of the time.  In the same way sometimes you get sick, because you can’t be well all of the time.  Like when you’re sad because it’s not possible to be happy all of the time.

Sometimes you have bad luck but you can have good luck too.

“Like finding a lucky penny?”

Exactly like finding a lucky penny I told him.

He told me he likes it when he finds lucky pennies and when he has too many of them, he gives some to “baba” because he wants him to have good luck too.

We both agreed that was a nice thing to do. 

“I love you, Mammy.”  Big blue eyes looked up at me. He tells me he loves me at least a dozen times a day and insists on hugging and kissing me as he imparts this information.

I did break my stride then.  To hell with the rain.  We were already soaked but I had bought tracksuit bottoms and we were close to where the car was parked so we could change soon.

I bent down to receive his kiss and hug. 

And I sighed. 

Sometimes you have bad luck but you can have good luck too.  Like finding a lucky penny.  Like having a Lovely Liam in your life.

Too Close for Comfort

There are two reoccurring themes whenever I read about a tragedy. Sound is one.  For me at least, I tend to focus on how the person sounded.  For example I read recently, “I will never forget the sound of Madame Veronique’s screams.” The other keynote is regret and how the bereaved lamented they parted on bad terms.

It was a normal day as normal goes even if we were celebrating a birthday.  Lovely Liam was being particularly demanding and looking for a lot of attention.  Typically when someone called to the house.

I was losing patience with him and told him so.  He insisted on dragging out of me as he jumped up and down, shouting at me to listen and repeating his, to me, unimportant demands.

It was a difficult afternoon.  Mid-week of the spring mid-term break. 

Later that evening I was upstairs removing nail polish and Lovely Liam followed me.  I asked him to stay clear of the nail polish remover in case it got knocked over.  Naturally, the smell attracted him and he came closer, bumping the bed and causing the bottle to wobble.

My tone was cross and my expression annoyed as I looked at him and in no uncertain terms asked him to move away until I was done.

He did.  And as he did so, he told me he doesn’t like it when I give out to him.

I explained I wanted to keep him (and my bed!) safe and that is why I was cross. 

I capped the bottle and invited him over for a smell.  He did so. Cautiously and for a split second, declaring it had gone right up his nose and he didn’t like it.

I refrained from saying “told you so” and we headed for the stairs.  He went down first and I glanced back to see my bedroom door was wide open and the light left on. 

I told Lovely Liam to head down stairs carefully and I would follow.

It took me all of two seconds to backtrack, switch off the light and pull the door after me.  I heard a small bump and I looked over the top landing to see Lovely Liam had tripped and was sitting on the stairs.

He let out a wail.

I began my descent and when I reached him he had turned and placed his legs through the gap between the treads on the stairs and was leaning forwards.

He looked up at me, his hands clutching his throat, his face puce and his eyes wide with horror.

He had been sucking a lollipop all the time he was with me!  He inhaled it when he tripped and it was stuck in his throat.

I grabbed him, lifted him up and got him down the last 6 or so steps.  I began to shake him, my version of the Heimlich manoeuvre and roared for Mister Husband.

It wasn’t working so I thumped him a few times.  Mister Husband was watching, not knowing what was happening. 

“Lollipop.”  I said.  “Lollipop!”

He took over and bent Lovely Liam double.  The lollipop was still stuck. 

All of this took place in about 15 seconds but I could feel that scream building in my throat and I had started to release it when Mister Husband stuck his fingers into Liam’s mouth and pulled the lollipop out, still attached to the stick.

It was no bigger than a gob stopper.

Lovely Liam and I sat on the stairs for several minutes with his arms wrapped around me, just hugging.

We spent the day at odds with each other and that scream was maybe an echo in my throat but I could still hear it.  The rawness of it.

When Lovely Liam finally did let me go, he put his hands around his throat again and declared “that was a close one, wasn’t it, Mammy?”

He has no idea.

A Disconnect

Spring is on the way.  I can feel it licking my face.  I can taste it.  There are snowdrops in my garden, buds on some of the trees, I have planters with daffodils peeping through and what about that glorious stretch in the evenings?    We have even discussed our summer holidays.    We are at that place already.

Also winter 2013/2014 has been the nicest, least stressful, almost enjoyable for as long as I can remember. 

As long as I can remember.

That’s a pretty long time. 

Everything nature driven is cyclical yet I find I am on high alert every year watching and waiting for the first signs of spring.  This year is the same.

But I have been experiencing a bit of a disconnect lately.  I’ve tried to put my finger on what it is exactly, but can’t seem to pin it down.   I’ve learned there is nothing to be gained trying to force what isn’t there so I’m running with it.

Most likely it’s got something to do with the time of year.  I know I could do with a good blast of sunshine right about now but I am having to settle on using a really good “tonic.”  

I am looking forward to that lovely stretch in the evenings moving a bit farther out so I can go running again.  I miss it.  I need it to free up my mind. 

I am on a bit of a go-slow. My best hours are usually between 10am and lunchtime and because this time is usually taken up by all things housework, meal prep, laundry and children, I have no choice at the moment but to go with that particular flow.

I’ve been finding it hard to blog “properly” since before Christmas.  It’s a combination of that old classic – not enough hours in the day – and rethinking what I want to blog about.  

Once the boys go to bed my brain flat lines on a subconscious level.  It always has done.     

It looks like I am in synch with the seasons and until I get my groove back on and the leaves are on the trees, I’ll be blogging a bit less than usual.

And until I feel connected again I tend to take it a bit easier.

Smoking. Part II

www.irishcancer.ie  Data from the HSE shows that one in every two smokers will die from a smoking related illness. 

On January 10^th this year, ex-Marlborough Man Eric Lawson died from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.  He was 72.

At least four of the Marlborough Men have died from smoking related illnesses. 

In March it will be 10 years since Ireland introduced the ban on smoking in work places.  Currently legislation to ban smoking in vehicles carrying children has been approved by Health Minister James Reilly and will be enforced before the Summer. 

In Part II of Smoking I speak with an older person who has seen the changes and influences of smoking down through the years.  I chat to the social smoker and to someone who has successfully kicked the habit.   You can catch up with Part I here.

Eric Lawson

The Older Smoker.  Aine, aged 61

Have you been smoking all of your life?

“I started when I was about 17.”

How many would you smoke a day?

“I smoke 5 a day at the moment.  When I was smoking more I never had more than 15 a day.”

Have you ever tried to quit?

“Yes, but not too hard.  Maybe 5 or 6 times.”

Why weren’t you successful?

“Because I didn’t really want to quit, I suppose.  The way I looked at it was I am only smoking 10 or 15 a day and I am going to enjoy them.”

Do you think smoking has decreased in popularity over the years?

“Yes, I do.  I think teenagers today are more aware of the dangers of smoking.”

What do you think of Gerry Collins and the current HSE non-smoking campaign?  Do you think it will work?

“My heart went out to him!  I think it will work because he is very genuine and it is heart-breaking to watch him and hear him talk about dying.  Plus the devastation his illness is causing is family.”

What about the packaging on cigarettes today?  Do they deter smoking?

“I don’t think they (the pictures) will make any difference to those who are already smoking but they might stop someone who is thinking about it.” 

What would you say to someone today who was thinking of starting?

“Don’t!  Just don’t!”

The Successful Quitter.  Liz aged 37

How old were you when you had your first smoke?

“I took my first drag at around 13 and I was grand, wasn't spluttering or anything and I think that was because my lungs etc. were used to smoke as my parents smoked for as long as I can remember.”

What influenced you to take that first cigarette?

“Probably other kids/teenagers also having them - it was "cool", I know that sounds pathetic, but it was and in a gang, if you didn't smoke, you kind of were different and no one likes to be different. So yeah, I'll have a smoke, fit in with the gang and all that!”

Did your parents know you smoked?  How did they find out? 

“In the end yes, but not when I was in school. I got questioned a few times about the colour of my fingers (from holding it wrong) but I never got caught by the smell.”

What was their reaction?

“Disappointment, that I was wasting my money and life on them.”

Did your parents smoke?  Do you think their smoking had an influence on you starting?

“Yes.  Yes as my body was used to smoke.”

Did you experience any peer pressure to smoke?

“I said before that I started to be cool, but there was no peer pressure to start, probably cos I never said no.”

What do you think about the current HSE non-smoking campaign with Gerry Collins?  Do you think it will have an effect?

“Honestly, if I was a smoker and watched it and still enjoyed smoking, I don't think it would influence me to stop. I always knew that smoking kills and I saw the pictures of lungs etc. and if I wanted to still smoke, it would not make me stop. It is a good campaign though and may work on others.”

What made you quit? 

“Two things that happened at the same time - I stopped enjoying smoking and I needed a new (2nd hand) car. So I looked at the amount I spent a month on 25 cigarettes a day and how much I would need for a car loan and the car loan was less than a month’s smoking. The penny dropped - I needed something to go off in my head to trigger the need to stop. So I read Alan Carr's 2nd Easyway book (its bigger with smaller print) in 3 days and it worked. On the 3rd day I got the box with about 10 left in it as I finished the book and threw them in the bin.”

How long did it take? 

“3 days - I think that it will either happen immediately or won't. As in if you wean yourself off with less and less each day, you are still a smoker…whether you smoke 1 a day or 40. You smoke!”

Were there many attempts before you succeeded?

“I had tried about 2-3 times previously but I know now that nothing went off in my head, and I was fighting a losing battle, its mind over matter. There is a switch in there and that has to click for you to give up.”

How long are you “off them?”

“10 years - but in those 10 years, I have had 2 drunken cigarettes and after the 3rd puff, I was feeling ill, so I had the desired effect. I definitely don't see myself ever becoming a smoker again.”

How do you feel now?

“Great - I just wish I could find the switch in my head for weight loss!”

Do you think packaging makes a difference? 

“No, I don't think it matters - for me personally, I would still smoke and you can always come up with your own box to use instead of the graphic ones if they really put you off. If you want to smoke, you will always find a way around any upsets or issues.”

What would you say to someone today who was thinking of starting?

“Don't...cos no one cool smokes these days. I would also say that giving up is one of my greatest achievements. I know that sounds absolutely mental to a non-smoker, but to me it is something I never thought would happen.”

The Social Smoker.  Dee.  In her thirties.

When did you start?

“When I was about 14, I wanted to be cool like the older kids in the theatre group I was in. I didn’t inhale for at least another year though! I went through stages, in university I was a very heavy smoker 1-2 packs a day when I could afford it and even when I couldn’t. Was about half a pack a day as a younger adult and the day I found out I was pregnant with my first I was 22, I threw my pack out the window on the way home from the doctor and vowed never to smoke again. I quit throughout the pregnancy and then started again with the odd one here or there at night. This continued until my next pregnancy where I quit again and continued to stay off them while I breastfed for about a year after. Again I started having a few sneaky ones at night when the kids were in bed. This continued for 6 years until I was pregnant again, same story. Back to the sneaky fags after I finished breastfeeding.”

Do you ever smoke at home or elsewhere?

“Yep, outside at night when the kids are in bed. If I’m out without the kids I would smoke a lot more. Have never smoked in front of them. Would also smoke more when drinking.”

How do you avoid the addiction to nicotine?

“Try to distract myself.”

How do you prevent withdrawal symptoms or do you experience any?

“I just deal with them really.”

Do you buy your own cigarettes?

“Yes.”

Regarding the graphic packaging on cigarettes, how does this make you feel?

“Honestly it doesn’t bother me. Kind of silly really, all smokers know what they’re doing, a graphic package isn’t going to change a damn thing, they need to WANT to quit.”

Do your family know you have the odd smoke?

“Himself does because he’s my partner in crime. The wider family know we used to smoke but have no idea we still do and would not approve at all. I still get nervous about my Dad catching me smoking as if I’m a kid again.”

To speak to a specialist cancer nurse, Freephone the national Cancer Helpline on 1800 200 700. Monday – Thursday 9am – 7pm & Friday 9am – 5pm.

Smoking.

www.cancer.ie  Smoking is the single biggest risk factor for lung cancer and is a contributory risk factor in a number of other cancers.

 

From the beginning smoking was a cool thing to do.  It was certainly branded as being that way.  Gerry Collins, the face and voice in the current HSE stop smoking campaign (link to ad) said so himself on the Ray D’Arcy show Monday 13^th January 2014.

“It was cool to smoke.  [sic]  Pure cool.  [sic]  I don’t recall any negative press.  Even if you recall all the movies, all the Hollywood movies, all the superstars.  They were all out there just smoking cigarettes, promoting it, glamorous, sophisticated, cool.  Do you know what I mean?”   

Gerry Collins

Gerry Collins, the former Dublin footballer, has been given just months to live having being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.  Ironically Gerry had overcome throat cancer in 2008 and participated in the HSE’s 2011 Quit campaign. 

A non-smoker all of my life I find it very hard to understand how anyone would suck smoke into their lungs, willingly or otherwise, and “tear the throat” off themselves in the process.

I know plenty of people who smoke.  I know people who have since died as a direct result of their habit.  But I also know plenty of people who have managed to kick the habit.

On November 21^st 2013, The Irish Times published an article in which the Irish were found to be near the top of the OECD (Organisation for Economic Co-Operation and Development) table when it comes to smoking.

A more recent report in The Irish Examiner, January 18^th 2014 stated that those who do not smoke but are exposed to second hand fumes face an increased risk of stroke.  All of this is according to a major US government report.

Irrespective of which continent you light up in, I think it can be agreed across the board everyone today is aware of the dangers of smoking.   

In light of Gerry Collins and the effect his story is having I spoke to several people who were good enough to answer my questions about why they ever started smoking in the first place.

In the first of a new series entitled Smoking, I would like to introduce you to my first participants.

The Smoker.   Cormac aged 41 

What do you smoke; cigarettes, roll ups or electronic cigarettes?

“Roll ups.”

Do you enjoy it?

“Yes.  It relaxes me.”

How old were you when you had your first smoke?

“14. Me and a friend stole cigarettes from our parents and grandparents.” 

What influenced you to take that first cigarette?

“Because I wasn’t allowed to.  Smoking was illicit.”

Did your parents know you smoked?  How did they find out?  What was their reaction?

“They found out about 6 months later.  My mother smelled it from me and also discovered my stash at home.  She confronted me about it and explained how hard it was to quit once you started and I was too young.”   

Did your parents smoke?  Do you think their smoking had an influence on you starting?

“Yes.  No, I don’t think so as the vast majority of people smoked at the time anyway. “

What do you think about the current HSE non-smoking campaign with Gerry Collins?  Do you think it will have an effect?

“I haven’t seen it but I have heard Gerry Collins speaking.  I have seen snippets on YouTube.  It’s an excellent ad.  One of their better ones.  And I think it’s great that it’s a real person.  He reminds me of my mother who died of lung cancer.”

What about packaging?  Do you think this is encouraging people to smoke?

“It doesn’t encourage existing smokers.  But packaging would have influenced me as a child.  An American brand was introduced at the time I started smoking and every young fella wanted a pack because they were linked to cowboys.  Today there is less advertisement of smoking so not encouraging in the same way.” 

What are your thoughts on the more graphic images on the packs today?

“I hate them.  I hate them.  I don’t like the idea of my children being exposed to the images.  I don’t think they are particularly effective in stopping people smoking but maybe they work on a sub-conscious level.  I have regularly sent back the image of the guy with the cancerous tumour on his neck in favour of the shrivelled apple.  But the kids have asked me questions particularly about the pictures of children – the ones with the young baby and the boy on the oxygen mask.”

What would you say to someone today who is thinking about starting smoking?

“Don’t.  The same thing my mother said to me.  Don’t.”

The Non Smoker.  Laura aged 26

What do you think about the current HSE non-smoking campaign with Gerry Collins? Do you think it will have an effect?

“It doesn't really affect me.  I think it might frighten people off the smokes for a short period of time and then they'll forget about the ad.” 

Why do you think you never smoked? Did your friends? Did you experience peer pressure to start?

“I didn't really hang around with anyone that smoked so I was never pushed into trying it.  I think I was in school around the time people started to realise that smoking wasn't "cool".   I would rather spend my money on something else.”

What do you think about the smoking ban in pubs?

“I think it's good, at least it gives the people that don't smoke an environment where they don't have to be subjected to the fumes. Most good pubs have a smoking area outside to accommodate the smokers. Having said that I usually end up out in the smoking area anyway because that's where everyone seems to go!!! Kind of defeats the purpose really!”

The Electronic Smoker.  Michael aged 27

Today there is a smoker’s alternative available.  Otherwise known as the electronic cigarette which enables people to enjoy smoking, or “vaping” as it’s known, without the harmful effects of tobacco smoke. 

Already concerns have been raised in relation to its safety but a lot of people believe it is better to “vape” nicotine than inhale it directly.  Much the same as those who chew Nicorette gum view it is advantageous over smoking.

How old were you when you first started to smoke?

“Maybe around 15.”

Do you regret it?

“Yes.”

What do you think of the electronic cigarette?

“It’s a good alternative to other things available on the market for those who are trying to stop smoking. I think it's good for certain individuals who don't mind the artificial feel and look of it.”

Do you find it good?

“It worked for a while, but I think that was mostly because I wanted to stop. I didn't enjoy using it, and had a few slip ups on nights out.”  

Is it cheaper?

“Much cheaper.”

Is it helping you to quit?

“I don't use it anymore.  I had a few over Christmas but stopped come New Year and haven't had one since, without using the E-cig.”

Do you enjoy smoking either the real thing or the electronic?

“Prefer the real thing.”

What would you say to someone who is thinking of starting?

“DON'T!”

What does your girlfriend think of your smoking?

“She didn’t like it because of the smell, and also because of the health implications and the fact that it's a waste of money.”

Is she happy that you are “vaping?”

“Yes.  She thought it was a good idea while I was doing it to keep me distracted from going back to the real thing.”

To speak to a specialist cancer nurse, Freephone the national Cancer Helpline on 1800 200 700. Monday – Thursday 9am – 7pm & Friday 9am – 5pm.

Today You're My Favourite

Because I know you have a hard time saying “love ya” so you yell “I LOVE YOU FOREVER” when I buy you a magazine you weren’t expecting.

Because you very nearly always knock me over with one of your fierce rugby hugs.

Because when I wake you in the morning, you always wrap your arms around me for a sleepy hug and then ask me for brown bread.

Because you always say thank you when I give you something.

Because you have amazing bed head hair and tell me you will “mind” me.

Because you love to show me how far you can swim under water in the pool.

Because you ask me for a hug and a kiss and if I don’t respond quickly enough you lift my arm to wrap it around yourself.

Because you are my squish.

Because you come to me when you get a quiet moment to have a chat about something that is bothering you.

Because you hand me a picture with a love heart on it and say it’s your heart for loving me with.

Because you are so good with your little brother.

Because you make me laugh with your never ending stream of made up jokes.

Because you love to help by peeling carrots for dinner and making the pancake batter.

Because you have a voracious appetite for reading and all things scientific and of nature.

Today you’re my favourite because you are my oldest, my youngest and my two boys in between.